Harry Potter and The Oddest World
by Revy
Summary: The Hogwarts World Encounters Celebrities and Many Crazy Things
1. Messed Up Place

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. Thanks to J.K. Rowling since her works make HP FanFics possible. w00!  
  
Thanks:  
  
1. Michelle- school friend- loony.. Honestly! 2. Gigi- Okay, you made me really do this.. Eeevil. 3. My Chihuahua Chicko made me work.  
  
Other Thanks:  
  
The rest of the thanks goes to people who know me from the HP boards. Percy - Tim as Nic calls him, My cousin Ash, my sister Rowan, and my maniac friend Gigi who really made this possible as me and her tend to drink soda, overload on caffeine and you know the stinkin story.  
  
Ahem. You go to a pub with your dad and hear about Wizards and Witches from locals. What in the world is that supposed to be? Well, they're plain muggles to you! Truth, there is a school called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where the famous Harry Potter attends. I mean, resides. But why isn't it based on Neville Longbottom?! Why couldn't Neville be a bit of the star? Ron Weasley gets sidekick! w00! Ahem. Today, we will learn. Lets get to the story!  
  
Hogwarts was covered in brilliant sunlight. The students located in Gryffindor Tower were getting the heat as the sun beamed through the windows of the boy's dorm. Harry Potter was having the most amazing dream, he was in Neverland, before he could sing, "I wont Grow Up" he fell off his bed and landed face down with a thud. The thud was so loud it woke up the rest of the boy's in the dormitory. Dean Thomas wrote all over his face as he held a paintbrush in his hand, apparently poor Dean was sleeping with it. Seamus Finnigan leaped off his bed so sudden he almost collapsed. Ron Weasley was still sleeping. Snoring really, when it should have been Neville to be snoring. Thing is Neville was awake, not sleeping, he had such a tired look he looked like he would faint any second, literally.  
  
The Remedy by Jason Mraz Plays -  
  
After finding himself, Harry grabbed his sheets that were still on his bed, and hoisted himself up using the support of the four-poster bed. Swaying slightly, people would think him drunk, as he smiled like he was having the time of his life with the hottest lady alive (Who is the hottest lady? Angelina Jolie? Why not. Hmmm. Who knows). Anyways, Ron Finally woke up as he heard Harry making goo goo sounds and . Drooling?! What in the world.  
  
Ron grabbed a napkin from the table that had the water jar thingy, or the container, or whatever it is, and gave it to Harry to clean himself off.  
  
"Thanks," Harry said as he whipped the drool that slowly dribbled down to his shirt.  
  
Ron shook his head lightly, "No problem, maybe you should go easy on the dreams, huh?"  
  
Harry shook his head, looked at the rest of the people, and I swear he hissed at them, because once he looked at them they hurried out of the dormitory with their pajamas still on. Except Neville, who stood on his bed, asleep again, and this time he was snoring.  
  
"Ron? Who is going to wake up Neville?," Harry asked as he scratched his head. Blimey! Doesn't it seem like something's in his head when he scratches? Maybe a gnome? Naw, gnomes are too big.  
  
Ron blinked as he made his way to Neville, and put those cloths hanger things on his nose to stop him from snoring. Not only did it stop him, he shrieked like a banshee as he realised something stopped him from breathing. Removing the cloths hanger thing, he threw it at Ron and watched as it smacked the back of Ron's head. Rubbing his head, Ron sniffed and ran out of the dormitory like a girl.  
  
Watching, Harry snorted into the glass of water he got before sleeping. Apparently it was still full, good thing too, what if he needed to use the loo? Then what? He wasn't one anymore, he was teen! A man! Well, not quite a man.  
  
More music, this time by Kylie Minogue -  
  
As classes came to session, and ended for break time, Hermione joined Ron and Harry as they headed out to the grounds after picking up byrd dung from an Eagle Byrd that mixed with some type of other animal they didn't bother to acknowledge during Transfiguration class with Professor McGonagall.  
  
"So, Harry, what you dream last night? I was in the moon! And guess who was there with me!," Ron blurted out.  
  
Harry pondered like Winnie The Pooh, except he sat on the grassy floor, "Was it.. Pamela Anderson? Glenn Close? Hmmm. Pansy Parkinson? Maybe even. Celine Dion?," he answered.  
  
Ron blinked, blink. blink. alright, this sucks, his answer to Harry was., "None of those people. It was Katie Holmes! Isn't that neat?!"  
  
This is where Hermione came in.  
  
"Ron! Since when do you have Katie Holmes?! Yesterday it was Hilary Duff!," Hermione grunted.  
  
Ron went cool dude so sudden, "Chill 'Mione. It was nothing," he told her, in some weird odd way.  
  
Hearing a scream, more like a squeal, Harry, Ron and Hermione looked to the lake where Draco was chasing. Ginny?! Ron grew red, real red, Harry's mouth dropped open and Hermione watched in astonishment. She always LOVED Malfoy and there he was skipping along the lakeside with Ginny Weasley.  
  
Roaring slightly, hulk like; Ron stomped towards the lake where Malfoy and Ginny were. Before he was almost there, he was walking slow-mo, Draco and Ginny started holding hands. Hermione zoomed ahead of Ron that she looked like a bushy haired werewolf, and Harry was right beside Ron, prodding his back to make him move quicker.  
  
"Ginny!," Ron whined out loud, "What are you doing with Malfoy?!"  
  
Ginny blushed slightly, "We . I mean.. He. Ron, he's so adourable!"  
  
Where In the world did that word come from o_O HAH! adourable?. Hmpf. See you in School Michelle!-  
  
Whining some more under his breath, Ron bumped into a tree branch as he moved to a tree and fell flat on his back on the grass. No one paid any attention to the poor boy.  
  
"Since when are you and Malfoy together Gin?," Harry asked, looking at Malfoy and then Ron thinking Ron wanted the attention.  
  
Malfoy was about to answer first when ..  
  
"LETS GET READY TO RUUUUMBLE!"  
  
Harry, Draco, Hermione and Ginny blinked as they looked for the source of the voice.  
  
Draco answered, "Who's there?"  
  
"YO MAMA!," Came the voice.  
  
Draco towered, "You don't know my mama!"  
  
The voice snickered and cackled, "Oh no? I met her last night! And." (Sorry kiddies, not for you! Little high words. wont have high words. nope. ) .  
  
Draco Screamed like a little schoolgirl, "How could my mama do this to me?! MAMA!!!"  
  
Ginny, Hermione and Harry blinked at Draco, when did he scream like a schoolgirl? Did his dad also scream that way? Harry giggled as he heard Lucius Malfoy scream in his head, Ginny died laughing as she heard Lucius Malfoy's scream from Harry's head and Hermione was brought down to the floor by Ron, who grabbed her hands.  
  
Draco blinked at the Ginny who died laughing, he prayed for her only to be smacked by her hands.  
  
"I aint dead blond boy! Now, lets go to your common room where no one knows I go!," Ginny giggled insanely.  
  
Suddenly the scene became Romeo and Juliet.  
  
"Oh Ginny," Said Draco, "I could never loose thou."  
  
"And I," replied Ginny, "Could never loose thee."  
  
The two love byrds kissed as Hermione weeped as she sat on Ron. Apparently she was sensitive and at times like these she thought of Soap Operas with their said stories and stuff like that.  
  
Guiding Light Music Plays-  
  
Authour gets poked by a Chihuahua named Chicko -  
  
Any road, Malfoy and Ginny skipped off happily to the castle, leaving Ron helpless under the weight of Hermione. She was light, but he was nothing but a balloon.  
  
As Hermione got off Ron, Ron gasped for breath that he was squeaking, causing a squirrel to yell at him in its squeaky voice. I think the squirrel told him to shut up, well, I dunno squirrel talk. don't look at me. why you looking at me?? AHHHHH!  
  
"Ron, I think that squirrel told you off man.," Harry said as he watched the squirrel get devoured by the octopus. Wow that was odd.  
  
Ron shrugged as he sat up, "A gnome flipped me off bru. not that it entirely matters," he said.  
  
The blinked up at the sky, Hermione, Harry And Ron, seems people were squealing in surprise at someone or something flying. The PERSON flying was Seamus Finnigan.  
  
"Harry, why is Seamus flying?," Ron asked.  
  
Harry shrugged, "Because the authour's cousin play's Seamus on my site. I think they need to take chill pills."  
  
Ron nodded. Hermione nodded. Kelly Rowland nodded. Ron, Hermione and Harry blinked at Kelly Rowland. Why was she there? As they looked at her, the poor girl screamed and ran off the grounds and into some portal that absorbed her. Maybe taking her to her world, somewhere in the middle of no where.  
  
Seamus suddenly fell into a tree, and fell through the branches. Everyone gasped as if he fell from the sky, which he did. the fools.  
  
"I'm alright! I just broke a bone, but its nothing!," Seamus shouted, and everyone got back to what they were doing.  
  
Hours later and night fall came. Everyone, even the prefects were locked in the common rooms since they heard of the release of Freddy vs. Jason.  
  
Harry slowly got into bed in his pajamas. Ron was already in bed, looking at little glowing stars that hung from the top of his bed.  
  
"Harry, do you think Freddy or Jason can get into the castle?," Ron asked, whimpering slightly.  
  
Harry shrugged, "Don't think about it. I doubt it. they never got in before. what will make them come this time huh?," he answered.  
  
Ron whimpered some more before falling asleep.  
  
Harry on the other hand grabbed a sock and made a sock puppet.  
  
"Well, Harry, its just me and you friend," The sock said.  
  
"No sock, I am your father," Harry cackled.  
  
The sock screamed and ended the story at this part. 


	2. What in the World

**Thanks:  
** Michelle- My Dreamer!  
Dimitry- Bru, you get a clue, Smile Empty Soul Rocks!

FanFic Back on Demand... *Snorts* Alright, I'll continue now...

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It was a ... hmmm... 

- UFO Abducts Authour-

It was a Friday afternoon and every Hogwarts student crowded the hallways, corridors and common rooms as far as some knew. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were down near the Great Hall entrance having just finished Lunch. God you would think they had enough food for one day, having the table magically full of food. What a place. Anyways, Ron was sliding down a wall near the Great Hall entrance, bored as he had told Harry.

"Lets. . . Go find Hermione," Harry said, trying to figure something to do.

Ron arched a brow, "Are you crazy man?! She'll wonder if we did any homework yet! And I'm not ready to do homework," Ron replied stubbournly.

"Quit being a mummy's boy. Get up, and lets go outside then," Harry answered.

"I aint a mummy's boy. . .," Ron muttered as he got up.

Harry looked at Ron from the Giant Oak Doors, "What was that?," he asked.

  
"Nothing. . .," Ron answered.

-Outkast's New Song plays in Background-

"Hey, Ron, who's playing the music?," Harry questioned, looking all over.

Ron also looked all over, "I dunno... maybe the authour being dramatic. . . as he was abducted to outer space!," Ron answered in a jealous voice.

"Be quiet Ron!," came a voice, that belonged to a muse standing next to him.

"Sorry," Ron said.

As Ron and Harry exited to the outside world, Harry fell down the gray coloured stone steps as he was in such a rush. Ron's head went up and down as his eyes watched Harry go up and down up and down then up and then down, landing on the ground. Ron closed his eyes shut, before opening them to see.

"You alright Harry?," Ron asked, trying hard not to laugh.

Harry got up and sat up straight, his glasses were alive, his face was clean of dirt and so were his robes, "I'm fine. I didn't break ANYTHING. I'm GOD!"

  
Ron arched a brow, "Uh, Harry, you landed on Colin. . .," He pointed to the little body underneath Harry's.

Harry blinked, and looked on the side of him seeing Colin's head, "ACK, Colin! Didn't see you there. . .," Harry said apologetically, getting off poor Colin.

"I-it's okay, Harry," Colin replied cheerfully, "Nothing wrong. I'm alright," he nodded and actually skipped off singing copacabana to himself.

"What in the name was that?!," Ron asked out loud to Harry as Colin sang copacabana.   
  
It was odd to hear someone singing really. Colin especially. Harry never realised how good a voice Colin had. He always thought Colin was just a crazy, idiotic, funny, twirpish, hyper active for some reason kind of kid. Harry was drawn to the soft. . . 

-authour thwacks Harry out of space-

Harry rubbed his head, "One of these days. . . I'll rule the people who make fanfics out of my book. . .," he said.

  
Ron shrugged as he ate a carrot the authour gave him, "Well, mate, good luck. I'm on their side. They gave me a carrot! Isn't that neat?! It's REAL crunchy. . . ," Ron replied.

Harry huffed. Ron puffed. Both would make a good big bad wolf in my case. . . anyhow. . . they got to sitting by the lake, throwing rocks on accident at the octopus as it got in their way of skipping the rocks. The octopus threw its . . . hands around crazily, hitting some students randomly. 

Harry and Ron watched as Michael Jackson did the moonwalk down from the real thing. He approached Harry and Ron, moon walking still, and stopped in front of them.

"Do you know how to get to Los Angeles?," Michael asked in confusion.

Harry and Ron looked at each other. Michael Jackson?! What the. . . 

-ravens attack authour-

Harry blinked. Ron blinked. They both blinked at Michael Jackson and watched as he got devoured by the octopus, who belched and went back under the water.

"Wow. . . the octopus ate Michael Jackson," said a voice behind the two. It belonged to Dre Dre. Now Dr Dre appeared out of no where, the school really was visible, otherwise these famous people wouldn't keep on coming. Then again, it was heaven.

Dr Dre looked at the boys as they blinked at him, he grew nervous and threw himself into the lake only to be devoured by the octopus as well.

"Whats up with these muggle rich people?," Ron questioned.

Harry shook his head.

....hours later....

It was night now. And everyone was heading inside. Not till a chain saw noise of some sort came out of no where. Then from the trees, Jason appeared! Everyone screamed and threw everything they had in their hands as they pushed other people out of their way. All except Harry and Ron, who watched Jason in front of them, moving the saw to them, trying to scare them. They just watched, and yawned, and continued to watch.

-Harry gets poked by Chicko the Chihuahua-

Realising Jason couldn't scare Harry or Ron, he cried like a girl and ran off into the forest like a girl. Harry and Ron rolled on the grass laughing their heads off. Well, almost laughing their heads off. Wouldn't that be amazing if they DID laugh their heads off? Actually, it would be rather stupid. Then again, very very funny to me. I would laugh at them. . .

-cackling from authour can be heard-

After heading into the castle, Harry and Ron decided to go to the Dungeons instead. Why? They wanted to be in trouble for some reason. Before entering, they heard someone singing, "I feel pretty, oh so pretty. . ." and the person who appeared singing the song was none other then Professor Snape! Continuing to sing, he headed up the staircase in the entrance hall, possibly heading to Dumbledore's office.

Frightened out of their knickers, they ran up the stairs and up the stairs passing everyone in their way. Once at the Portrait of the fat lady, she blinked at them as she was playing poker with other people from other portraits, one being the crazy Sir Cadogan.

The Fat Lady giggled madly and asked, "Pass-Pass word!"

Harry replied, "Whatchamacallit!"

The portrait opened and Ron and Harry hurried inside, throwing themselves at chairs, breathing rather quick. 

"They're you two are," it was Hermione. . . only the person with her voice was Gilderoy Lockhart.   
  
  
The boys looked at each other in horror. Ron grabbed a microphone, Harry made Gilderoy dress in a nurse outfit, and then music began.

"Ahem. . . I repeat. . . Will the Real Hermione Granger please stand up! I repeat, will the real Herm-," Ron stopped as Hermione appeared on the stairs dressed like she was famous.

"Dimwits. . . You could do that, but do you have to put up an Eminem voice?," Hermione questioned, pouting.

Ron crossed his arms, gold rings on his fingers, "I aint knowin' girl," He answered.

Before anyone could reply, someone came to the window, and broke it open. Who was this person? Harry poked at him with a stick, Ron got a stick on fire and almost poked him before he was handled by men in white coats and officially made the insane one of Hogwarts. Hermione did nothing on the other hand. Lockhart screamed like a girl and was pushed out the window by Dumbledore entering the common room. Poor Lockhart will really never get better. Stay Tuned next time Folks to find out who this mystery celebrity is!


	3. Justin T and Snoop Doggy Dogg

**Disclaimer  
**Remember? I Don't own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.

**Thanks to  
** Michelle: Shelly! HAHA!  
Dimitry: My bru, my insanely insane bru who helps me out  
Logan: Giovanna, Whatever... Thanks mate ^_^

Fan Fic Is back!

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- Scene in Castle, Gryffindor Tower, an Unknown Actour Appears from out the window -

Hermione, being the only one around as Ron and Harry were back, gasped.

"Oh wow!," Hermione freaked, and squealed like one of those girls that freaks out when they see the hottest dude alive. 

Harry and Ron gaped. What was this person? 

"DUDE! You mean 'who' was the person!,"Said Ron to the authour.

"Someday Ron, we will take over the world of fanfics and control them ourselves...," Harry Cackled, then coughed since he was no good at it and admitted Voldemort was best.

Albus Dumbledore ran his hands through his -er- beard thingy, "Looks like we've got ourselves Justin Timberlake...," He said in that old tone of his.

  
Harry grabbed a torch and lit it," Lets light fire!"

Ron strangled Harry and tied him up with the shoelaces of Hermiones shoes that were not on her feet but on the floor as she ran around in her socks. 

Grunting and moving, Justin Timberlake opened his eyes, blinked five times and stood up," Yo, where am I?," He blinked at everyone looking at him, "What are you little people looking at?," he directed to Harry and Ron, as he enjoyed watching Hermione prancing around him.

"We tried to bur--," Harry was then gagged by Ron who stuffed a smelly sock into his mouth, making Harry faint.

"What my fainted friend tried to say was-," Ron was then cut off by Dumbledore.

"My my, you are a muggle who has goten lost in the Wizarding World. The Ministry of Magic will not like this...," Dumbledore headed for the Portrait Hole, "Follow me Mr Timberlake as I take you to your way to leave..."

Justin did not move, he stood there watching Hermione continuously, Ron growled and pulled Hermione by the hair, tied her up and gagged her with a different smelly sock making her faint too. Hearing screaming, Ron looked to the window to see Gilderoy Lockhart flying in, Ron's eyes went wide open and before he could get away Gilderoy smashed Ron as he landed.

Twitching under Gilderoy, Ron Pushed Lockhart off him and growled.

"Dear me... So Sorry... Didn't see you Mr. Red head boy," Gilderoy said apologetically.

Justin Timberlake, with no attention at all, was taken by a warlock and vanished in a bowl. 

"Well, there went Justin Timberlake..,"Dumbldore said, "Now, you all best be changing, we have Michael Jackson here... I feel so sorry that the octopus didn't think of him as handsome," Dumbledore whistled as he merrily skipped out being followed by Snape and McGonagall.

-authour plays the Macarena Song-

In the Great Hall, Harry threw a corn piece at the authour and the readers reading the fanfic," WHY MUST YOU ---"

Before Harry could finish speaking, the news came on the Big Screen Tele that stood proudly near the staff table, "Breaking news," Said reporter Hya Chang, "Today, Dr Dre was found in a water fountain, drinking himself silly for some reason, while Mr Croc Dundle found Justin Timberlake working with an Italian mafia. Apparently when the bobbies found him, he had no clue who he was."

Harry snorted into his pudding. Ron lit a lighter only to light Seamus Finnigan's cloths who went crazy and bumped into Lavender Brown who fell down tripping Parvati Patil who grabbed a hold of Dean Thomas, Who then bumped into a wall that made him bounce and fly smack into Draco Malfoy's face. 

Everyone laughed , even Malfoy. Only to be screaming in shock as Hillary Duff came in. All the boys drooled and fought to go over to her. Yet, they were beaten by Oliver Wood, who was standing by her. Every boy lit a lighter and chased the poor boy out.

Harry and Draco lifted Hilary Duff up and shouted "HEADMISTRESS... HEADMISTRESS!" With the rest of the boys. Albus Dumbledore screamed like a girl and flew out the window, and then, it was official! Hilary Duff ruled the school of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which she renamed Hogwarts Scottish Castle of Ruling.

"HEY! AUTHOUR DUDE! What about Lockhart? We never got around him!," Malfoy whined.

-authour gets poked at by crows of doom-

BAck to Lockhart...

In the Gryffindor Common Room, Lockhart rocked back and fourth," Well, just me and you sock...."

Apparently this sock was Harry's son... 

"AHHHH! DADDY! HELP MEE HELP MEE AND CRAZY MEEN!," Shouted the sock.

Lockhart started to shake it madly, "FReAKING SOCK SHUT IT!"  


  
The sock screamed like a girl, or like NEd Flanders on the Simpson show.

Later, Harry and Ron appeared in men in black cloths. 

"Yo yo, were Agents H and R so back away from the sock ... crazy man...," Agent H, Harry Potter, said.

Gilderoy screamed and threw himself out the window, only be eaten by a dragon that flew by with Charlie Weasley for no reason.

"Wow Agent R, your bro just came by," Harry said.

Ron answered, "Yeah... Stop 'n go! Should'a taken us with him yo!"

"Bling Bling... Fo Shizzle mah Nizzle," Came a voice from in back.

"RON! Its Snoop Doggy Dogg!," Harry gasped. Ron almost wet his pants.

"Yo, whad up my little homies? Can yah tell a brutha how to get back to LA yo?," Snoop Asked.

"Er... Go out, way out, follow the dirt trail north, get to train station, Big steam engine will come and take you to London train station, from there you on your own," Ron answered.

"Thanks homies," He gave them Snoop Dogg Style Sunglasses, "Peace out yo!," And with that he flew out the window. Wow... Snoop flying... *blink* Wasnt talkin about that... lets continue...

Heading for bed, Harry fell off the stairs, hit Seamus who got locked into a kiss with him. 

Ron gaped, Hermione went nuts and hit a chair and slept there.

"SEAMUS!," Harry pushed away from him and ran up to his dorm with Ron following and heading to bed.

Seamus blinked, "What I do?"  
  


Seamus went to sleep with Hermione on the chair and slept there.

In the boys Dorm...

"Harry... that was NASTY fool...," Ron said.

Harry spit out his fifth time of mouth wash the authour let him use, "I know that... not nasty dude, since when are you so feminine? Its totally wrong..."

Ron fell asleep after talking on and on about carrots, Harry and his sock chincho fell asleep soundlessly together. But what about Seamus and Hermione in the common room? They are sleeping together!! Oh well... Harry's fault...


	4. South Park and the Authour

I was on break, so I apologise for not updating. Either way, I'm back now so enjoy the -em- fourth chapter of :  
**Harry Potter and the Oddest World**

* * *

Midnight, and Harry was rolling around in bed like a lunatic. Clearly he was not insane as proven in his fifth year, but still, it was normal to move around insanely on one's bed. Curling up in a ball under his blanket, he cried and screamed out :  
  
  
"HELP MEEEEEEE!"  
  
  
With that, Ron, Neville and Dean crowded around his bed and watched him. Ron, being the red headed boy he was, shook Harry and lifted him up.  
  
  
"HEY! Four eyes, wake up!"  
  
  
Harry woke up, and blinked at the boy's around his bed.  
  
  
"Well, he's alive...," Neville replied, looking big and brave with his GI Joe Figurine.  
  
  
Harry arched a brow at Neville, "Dude... back away from the bed..."  
  
  
"What?... It's my GI Joe Figure isn't it?! ISN'T IT?!," Neville roared, spitting added as he stomped out of the common room.  
  
  
Wiping the spit away with his pajama shirt, Ron shook his head at Neville leaving and now that left him, Dean and Harry. What a blast. Three boy's in a common room by the same bed together alone with no one else around. The horror!  
  
  
**Enter Gilderoy Lockhart  
  
  
**Cursing, Ron ducked under his bed while Dean threw himself into his open trunk before his bed. All but Harry, who couldn't even find his own glasses. Enter cursing Here from Harry's mouth. Bad Harry. Needs a bar of soap in his mouth he does...  
  
  
"Hello little boy..." Lockhart said to Harry.  
  
  
Harry blinked once, "Er... Hello... Lockhart."  
  
  
WTF!  
  
  
The scene grew darker as Lockhart began to have these glowing eyes that made Harry dizzy.   
  
  
"HEY! GET AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!"  
  
  
".. I ISN'T NOBODY'S ... Boyfriend!," Harry replied, in a girly like voice.  
  
  
"Oh.. .Right..."  
  
  
"Seamus? That you man?," came a voice from the trunk. Obviously Dean's voice.  
  
  
"Si... Sept I'm here... facin' a weird lookin' Lockhart," Seamus said staring at Lockhart. Eyeing him. Both had their wand's out in their hands so you could think they were ready to perform spell's on each other.  
  
  
Wait a minute... Lockhart don't have a one. Erase that! Ahem... Rewrite ~ Seamus had his wand out in his hand ready to perform a spell any second now. What was his problem? Someone wake him up? Harry said in his head to himself 'Bloody Longbottom...'  
  
  
.... Silence in the boy's dorm.  
  
  
Ron peeked from under the bed. Suddenly, the whole scene to how the beginning of South Park look's. Ron was Kyle. Harry as Stan. Seamus as Kenny. And Dean as Cartman. As for Lockhart, he was the Chef. Who just passes by.   
  
  
~ mwahahaha. IF You haven't watched South Park yet, I suggest if you are over 14 ask your parents for permission. I know I watched some episodes when I was younger... ~  
  
  
~ Enter South Park Theme. With a few... Adjustments ~  
  
  
**Les**: I'm goin' down to Hogwarts. Gonna have myself a time.  
**Kyle (Ron) & Stan (Harry)**: Scary faces here and there. Humble folks acting F*ing rich.  
**Les**: Goin' down to Hogwarts. Gonna leave the muggles behind.  
**Cartman (Dean)**: Crazy Creatures Everywhere. Wizards spouting Stupid Bloody Spells!  
**Stan **** (Harry)**: Heading on up to Hogwarts. Gonna see if I can curse you!  
**Kenny (muffled) (Seamus)**: I'm a nice hot Irish guy. So come kiss me since I'm an Irish!  
**Les**: So come on down to Hogwarts, and meet the rest of my kind.  
  
  
~ heh. Sorry if it isn't the best. x_X Blame the St Patrick's day comin up! I'm heading to Ireland! Irish Pride! ... and my other pride! ~  
  
  
Back to the normal scene, Ron stood in shock standing up on his bed, "That felt so bloody awesome!!"  
  
  
Seamus still hums the song in the background, liking his part.  
  
  
All eyes on Seamus.  
  
  
Harry was the first to speak, "BEFORE this scene goes any further, the authour put you to sleep with Hermione. You ... Didn't do anything did you?"  
  
  
Seamus arched a brow, "Sod off. I did nothin you bum. The authour did that to piss you off. And it worked!"  
  
  
"Er... No. I foiled the authour's plan's just like I do Voldemort's." enter Harry's bad cackling - again.  
  
  
And now that smelly, awful scented sock back into Harry's mouth from Ron's hand, causing Harry to faint.  
  
  
... Seven Hour's later ...  
  
  
Harry found himself in a hallway that was crowded with people in their robes and looking at him with a humoured face. Looking down at himself, Harry noticed he had short's on with Rubber duckies and a rubber ducky t-shirt. It was his pajamas. Scratching his head, he ran back to the common room passing some girl's along the way who snorted in laughter. Kinda sounding like pig's if you want to know.  
  
  
"One of these day's... AUTHOUR! Come here!!," Harry yelled.  
  
  
Since the authour cant come in person, he made a character named Ebenezer Kiernan, which he shall play on the HP board's soon, and sends him in.   
  
  
"I been waiting for you - you freakin authour dude!"  
  
  
Ebenezer blinked. Blink blink. Silence. Send in Ebenezer's friend - Russell the Insane - kidding, Russell Orrick. And that left Harry blinking repeatedly in a fast motion.  
  
  
"There's TWO of you?!," Harry yelled out in question.  
  
  
"Er... No...," Ebenezer replied.  
  
  
Russell blinked, "Just two friends. Here to help you with any questions you need answers to."  
  
  
Harry blinked, "Oh, okay. Make a better fanfic and stop making me funny! x) It drives me insane!"  
  
  
Ebenezer smirked, "The irony, my man. Leave it be. We need the humour here."  
  
  
Harry screamed like a little girl, and with a dress on he stormed out of the common room, with an actual storm floating above him.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
And that's all for the day. I don't got all day. School's in the way. ^_^ 


	5. No Chapter Title

**Disclaimer** Always remember, I do not own the HP Series =]  
  
**Special thanks**:  
Ninny:Your Spesho ;D  
Sparkles: Sparkly Fresh!  
Shuckles: My helper ;]

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After a bad argument with Ebenezer and Russell, Harry growled at every person that passed him. Even the Slytherin's were too afraid to tease Famous Harry Potter now. Harry bit. Hard. You could even ask around and ask for 'Draco Malfoy' and he'd show you Harry bit his finger. Bad Dog Harry. Baaaad. So anyway, in the common room, Ron was plotting something BIG. He was plotting to capture Professor Snape. Why? Because Ron wanted to become superman! Dun dun dun. So, let us proceed and see how the flow of this goes. See how far I can get you.

Hogwarts Grounds : Harry and Ron sat under a tree, throwing stones at the lake, while the kids nearby got bit by gnomes that somehow found their way to the area and chased the little kiddies while the older ones just watched with amusement as Hya Chang wasn't on their TV in the Great Hall at the time. Ron had written to Miss Chang, asking her to marry him, and didn't care that she was the aunt of Cho Chang. Which he overlooked. hahaha. 

Right when Ron was about to sleep, something happened.   
  
"HEY, RON!" Ron grumbled, and turned over, and once again the voice continued, "And owl pooped on you." It was Harry, laughing his arse off because Ron had owl dung on him. Hah! Catching the owl, he took the letter it had and opened it.  
  
"ITS FROM HYA CHANG!!!" Ron Screamed out like a little girl.  
  
Harry arched a brow, blinking, "Huh?"

Ron blushed, and ran into the castle to read the note he had received from Miss Chang.

Harry scratched his head in confusion as he had no friggen clue what just happened. About to leave, Russell and Ebenezer came from around the tree, with evil looks upon their faces. Well, duh, Slytherin's, they were going to play pranks anyways, if you wanted to know. Grumbling, Harry cussed.  
  
"Bad Potter!" Russell said aloud to Harry.  
  
"Bad you." Harry yawned in his face.

Russell made a disgusted face, "Do you BRUSH your teeth??"  
  
Wow, they left Ebenezer alone. You shouldn't do that to the authour's character... especially when it IS the authour's character. Cause he always has something BIG planned out. Just like Ron wants to kidnap Snape... Let's see how this goes, shall we?

"Yes, I brush my teeth." Harry answered Russell.

"Good." Russell kissed Harry, which made Harry grab his arm and flip him over to land hard on his back leaving Russell amazed.  
  
"WHOA!" Russell Exclaimed.  
  
"Don't kiss me dude. Who said this fic is slashed?" Harry said.

Ebenezer cackled in the background, once again emerging from the shadow's all in black, what the...? Cackling in his mind, he grinned wide, showing the yellow teeth he had... or were they white? I'm blind.   
  
"It WILL be Slash, Harry, it will be!" And Ebenezer ran like a girly girl back to the castle to go to the boy's dormitory to go to sleep even though it really wasn't bed time but he was a lazy arse and loved to sleep with the sun hitting him through the window. Was there even a window?! ... oh well.

As everyone went inside after watching Star's hit some students and make them stars too, everyone decided to keep inside for the time afraid to be star's for life. The best star's were the star's on the ground that were famous and in magasine's. In the Great Hall for dinner, Dumbledore turned on the tele, and Ron stared at the tele's picture with Hya Chang, daydreaming and drooling and staring at her all at once. Go Weasley.

"Today on Wizards News, more celebrities are somehow finding their way to Hogwarts. President Bush of USA has stated 'We will find out who is behind that train thing in England and then all their base are belong to us!' (newgrounds, go check it out.)" Hya continued, "Blair has no idea what Bush said. Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwart's, has made the castle disguise more into the stars. And where is Karkaroff? Durmstrang needs a leader. And that is all for Wizards News, Ron Weasley I will not date you because your underage. Hope you read my letter right." And the news now had 'Stand By' on the tele.

Okay, now that EVERYONE was asleep, except Ron, Draco, Harry and Hermione, Ron snuck away from them and didnt know Draco was in the dungeons, sleeping on a box. So as Ron entered, he gave Malfoy a blankie and pinched Draco's cheek for the heck of it, watching Malfoy suck his thumb. "Little baby..." Ron whispered.   
  
Sneaking with his own sneaking theme song made up, he snuck down and entered Snape's Office with Snape inside.

"Mr. Weasley, what do you want?" Snape asked.  
  
"ROAR!" Ron tackled Snape, tied him up, gagged him and threw him into a big trash bag. Trying his best to drag him to the common room of Gryffindor, the best he went to was the Quidditch Pitch as no one was there. He let Snape out for air and pointed his wand, "Make Hya Chang like me with loooove potion."  
  
"Ah, hell nah." Snape replied through the sock that gagged him.  
  
"Aw man, please? I'm desperate." Ron commented.

Snape shook his head, Ron gave puppy dog eyes, Snape sighed and agreed. Ron released Snape and watched as he skipped off singing the "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" song. Shuddering, Ron went off to the Gryffindor tower and then ended the story his way.

Ron : "GO ... er... Ah hell, just find something to do. Give Reviews .. FOR ME. The authour is EVIL. I'm desperate, he isnt. Hes reall patient, I cant take it. Someone must save me from Potter, Granger and Malfoy! CHINCHILLA!!!"

**The End.**


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